Red Flags Are Flying
September 5th, 2008
By Linda A. Hunt
Last week I received an email, from a potential client who needed to meet with me the very next day on some important business. He left me his contact information, so I followed up with a phone call. I did not reach this person so I left a message. I immediately received an email back at his displeasure that I could not meet with him the next day. He then proceeded to seek free advice via email.
This inquiry had red flags flying from the moment I read it. Even though I knew that this was not someone I wanted to work with, as a professional courtesy I followed up.
This is where having strong boundaries in place comes in. How did I know I did not want to work with this person? I have created criteria (aka boundaries) that must be met during the first interactions with a potential client. This potential client did not even register on my scale.
Sometimes you cannot miss the red flags and other times they are not so easy to see. Like a couple of summers ago we had a client who knew that we do not handle cash, nor prepare/make deposits on behalf of our clients. This was an onsite assignment and the client assumed that they could literally bully my new staff person into preparing the deposits. Because I educated my staff person on the internal policies of the firm, my new staff person was able to bring this to their supervisor’s attention and the matter was handled.
Setting boundaries can be as simple as setting your office hours or be a bit more complex, such as what you will and will not spend money on and why. Once those boundaries are set, the next step is to clearly communicate them to all involved so that everyone is on the same playing field.
You can tell where you need to create and implement a boundary by what annoys or exasperates you and/or your staff the most. For example, you are in your office trying to finish your marketing letter and you are interrupted for “little” things that your staff has questions about. Creation and implementation of a boundary in this situation is easy, simply close your door and tell you staff you are not to be interrupted for an hour.
Sometimes creating a boundary is not always that easy. Here is an exercise I learned that has helped me tremendously in setting and communicating boundaries. It is called “My Spokesperson” and the exercise goes like this.
1. Sitting in front of you right now, is your “spokesperson.” It is their job to convey the “what” and “how” message of your business and get that information across crystal clear, without hesitation. Let the sense of relief that they will be the perceived “bad guy” wash over you. (This step was huge for me I didn’t want to be known as the bad guy.)
2. Now tell them or write down the information they need in order to communicate the “what” and “how” message that is to be done in this situation. The spokesperson has no ties to the baggage around fear, rejection, or confrontation. They are here to do a job: get your message across.
The first time you write or say what you need to have communicated, don’t be surprised by the emotion that may come out. That is okay, you are working it out so that the message can be conveyed simply and effectively. Simply try it again until the emotion, blame or justification has been removed.
3. Assume the role of your spokesperson and communicate your message.
Remember boundaries do not have to be mean, harsh, or sterile in how you convey your message. You can be firm and kind, clear and concise while being easy to deal with and all the while not violating your boundaries. Here are a few things I have learned about boundaries and why they are so important both professionally and personally.
□ Boundaries are the cornerstone of your business (and person) – it tells people where you stand and WHY.
□ Boundaries make the difference between being taken seriously or not seriously.
□ Boundaries are critical to your business and personal growth. They must be in place and adhered to.
□ Boundaries require applying the idea of tough love to yourself. If you yourself have established boundaries and stick to them, so will everyone else.
□ When learning boundaries, start with yourself and then move on to teaching others.











This week I am taking it easy and getting ready for the long Labor Day weekend. This is my favorite summer holiday. We always have a huge picnic where we eat lobster and homemade stuff clams! The stuffed clam recipe comes from my great-great grandfather on my Mom’s side of the family. I wish I could invite you all so that you could taste them!
This week it’s me, Linda. I hope that everyone has been enjoying their summer and was able to squeeze in a vacation or at least a couple of days off to recharge your batteries.